Contributing Monkie Aria Alpert
Published on November 8, 2011
Monkie Character : Poo ™
Before I launch or should I say, explode into todays topic, lets take a collective pause. Now this pause isn’t for me, it’s for you. Take a breath, calm your mind, get rid of any images which you might have in your head. Push away any food you may have in front of you. And if your unfortunately eating something which involves chocolate, lick your fingers and swallow that shit before we move.
Okay, so your all zenning out now, right? Feeling comfortable? Your mind is clear and open to new subjects? Good, because the topic for today has got to be my favorite subject in the entire world. I mean we are all the proud parents of this stuff multiple times a day (if your healthy that is). So I say why not sing about it, or in my case, trap some friends at the dinner table or post about it on G Living, right! Okay kids, strap in, here we go…
I am the type of gal who loves to talk about poop. I love it. I just do. My poop, my friend’s poop, my family’s poop, stranger’s poop. When someone’s got a poop question, I am the one they call. I have an enthralling curiosity by, not only what goes into the body, but also what comes out. Yes, my friends, I am here to express and hopefully inspire the importance of embracing your POOP! Well, not literally. I’m talking about inspecting that porcelain throne of yours with scientific excitement. It could teach you a thing or two about what is going on with your internal health. Bring insight to why you are feeling a certain way, how you’re digesting or not digesting foods and most importantly when it’s time for you to do a little Colon Cleanse. Your colon works hard for you each day, so why not take some time and clean that old sh*t outta there!!
I also was feeling a wee bit puffy, bloated, my energy levels were dropping and I wasn’t pooping as good anymore :(
I know, I know I am very discreet. I asked a friend of mine if he finally used the colon cleanse I gave him to do just that and his response was,” Is there a more delicate flower under the sun than you, more precious?” What can I say, I love to talk sh*t…
Well, my exciting poop exploration is exactly what happened to yours truly and what has inspired this post. As some of you know, a few months ago I returned from my fabulous Italian food and wine adventure with gusto and glee. And since getting back, I have continued my Italian eating and drinking vino roll that I adapted to oh so well in Italia. I was enjoying myself and not thinking about what I was eating or how much wine I was drinking. The Italian foodie way smoothly became a part of my lifestyle and my diet consisted of more and more acidic foods I never really ate before I left for Italia. (see chart below for acidic food reference) For awhile I thought, “Damn, how am I not feeling or looking like crap eating and drinking this way?” And then, of course, the inevitable hit me…or, I shall say, the craters hit me…don don donanna…the pimples, yes I said plural, started a comin’!!! I was in high school all over again. Ahhhhhh. I also was feeling a wee bit puffy, bloated, my energy levels were dropping and I wasn’t pooping as good anymore. Huh.
SO, after inspecting that porcelain throne of mine I thought, “Yep, it’s definitely time for a cleanse!” And let’s be honest, I was long over due for one. I needed a brake from my F-it Italian gluttonous food and wine habits. And so, I started. Stopped drinking wine :) , switched to eating a more alkaline rich diet, began a colon cleanse and got a few colonics. It’s been about 3 weeks now and I am still doing it. Not the cleanse part, but the diet and no vino part. Why, you ask? Because my skin is clear, I feel amazing, have abundant energy, look vibrant and am pooping like a champion.
I am a strong believer in doing colon cleanses. I try to do them 4 times a year. Around the change of the seasons or if I’m feeling a little sluggish or ate something funky. Doing these seasonal cleanses, along with colonics, have completely healed my digestion, parasites, candida, stomach issues and food allergies, which I had suffered for many years. I have tried many of them but none have compared to Dr. Schulze products. Intestinal Formula #1 and #2 has been my staple and one that I have used many times though out the years, highly recommend and give as presents. It’s definitely a stronger, roto rooter style cleanse. Like, sometimes, get thee to a toilet asap! All his products are wonderful. He has a wealth of knowledge on the website about health and why it is important to clean your colon!! The Intestinal Formula #1 and #2 products are under digestion & elimination.
There is also Arise and Shine cleanse, which is much milder than Schulze. It also incorporates probiotics (helps replenish healthy bacteria in the gut) and herbs along with the colon cleanse so it’s more of a package deal. Many people I have spoken to love it. Check them both out and see what feels right for you. You can not go wrong with either.
Alrighty friends, it time. It’s time to give it a try. Why not. Embrace yourself. A little internal body tune up. And if that doesn’t entice you, you will probably lose weight in the process, which is always a nice bonus. So, clean up your diet, try to avoid processed foods, gluten, fried foods, alcohol, red meat, dairy, sugar and excess salt. Drink filtered water with a squeeze of lemon, fresh raw green vegetable juices and eat as many raw foods as possible. A few days into it you will probably want to eat lighter anyway cause you are getting rid of a lot of crap (literally!) and you will probably feel better and better and clearer and cleaner with each passing day. Also an enema or colonic are very important while cleansing so don’t skimp on that step. They are very helpful to relive any sort of detox symptoms, such as: gas, bloating, headaches, stomach discomfort, bad breath, skin disorders, etc.
Here is a breakdown of my basic daily meals:
Breakfast – fresh fruit, fresh pressed raw green juice or fruit smoothie with your choice of a green superfood powder. (I use bio-greens or Schulze superfood)
Lunch – fresh green salad with some or all of the following: avocado, any raw vegetables except tomatoes, seaweed, dulse (a type of seaweed), sprouts, sprouted mung, lentils or aduki beans, sprouted and/or soaked pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, hemp seeds or sesame seed. Sometimes I get a little crazy and add raw black olives or some cooked quinoa. Dressing is normally fresh lemon, raw apple cider vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, dash of cayenne and a touch sea salt.
Dinner – steamed green vegetable such as: kale, collard greens, escarole, savoy cabbage, chard or mustard greens. I lightly steam it with leeks, onion, jalapeños, garlic and/or ginger and dressing is just fresh herbs, lemon, extra virgin olive oil/coconut oil or flaxseed and a touch sea salt. I serve it with cooked quinoa or millet or a baked regular or sweet potato. I also make a lot of miso and pureed vegetable soups too.
Snacks – Sprouted or soaked almonds or pumpkin seeds, lydia’s organics sprouted crackers (I like the ginger nori and luna), fresh fruit, fresh raw vegetable juices, unsulphured dried figs are very cleansing and help clean the colon, herbal or green tea.
Below is a list of foods to avoid and enjoy while cleansing. Have fun. It’s an adventure. Do what you can. I still drink my green tea. Don’t be takin’ that away from me. Oh no… :(
The Best Alkaline Forming Foods:
All fresh fruits
All fresh salad greens
All vegetables (raw or cooked), except tomatoes
Soaked Almonds & Sunflower Seeds *
Apple cider vinegar
Corn on the cob, fresh *
Unsulphured Dried fruits *
Fresh or dried seasoning herbs
Fresh raw fruit juice
Fresh raw vegetable juice
Goat whey* (raw) For non vegans
Green foods (algae, spirulina, chlorella)
Herbal Teas (caffeine free)
Honey (raw) Avoid Prison Bees, find a local brand
Oils: raw or cold pressed avocado, coconut, flaxseed and extra virgin olive oils
Sea vegetables (well rinsed)
Wheat grass juice
* Eat foods from this group no more than 3 times per week as they significantly slow the cleansing process. If you experience cleansing reactions, you may wish to consume more of these foods, or if you wish to speed up the cleansing process (not recommended for inexperienced cleansers), eat less of these foods.
The Worst Acid Forming Foods:
Black or white pepper
Canned or microwave fruits & vegetables
Coffee or caffeine
Foods cooked with oil Grains, except quinoa and millet
Salt (including Celtic, sea & Himalayan)
Soy (tofu, tempeh, etc.)
Sugar, white and processed Sweeteners
Wheat, all forms
*Remember, the best is always organic and locally grown produce. And eating mostly raw, sprouted, unprocessed foods increases the probability that you will receive more of the nutrients your body needs from the foods you are consuming as well as naturally occurring enzymes which aid in digestion.