Contributing Monkie V Ol Blak
Published on December 11, 2012
Photographer V Blak
Let me start this post with an UPSIDE DOWN smile :( Okay now that I have that out of my system, lets focus on the title of this post: I Bought The $10 Mast Brothers Chocolate Bar, So Why Am I Not in Chocolate Heaven. What the hell is that suppose to mean right? Well, this is what it means. I sooooo badly wanted to LOVE, I mean butterflies in my belly, love this Chocolate Bar. Why why chocolate fairy did you still my joy!
Let me start at the beginning. I was in the big NYC for a little work and a whole lot of Loving (wishful thinking I know) a few weeks ago. I started off the visit by seeing my friend Dan, who has an office just around the corner from the newish Ace Hotel in Manhattan. Yeah, that cool hip salvation army looking hotel chain. The one out of Portland Oregon. It’s an awesome place and they even have a Portland styled espresso bar just off the main lobby of the Hotel. Since we were so close, we decided to make the Ace our morning espresso destination. Wow, it did not disappoint. The entire lobby is a wifi free hang out zone, featuring a completely black 40 foot ceiling with massive roman style white columns holding up the place.
I think I must have passed out. When I woke, there was a large chunk of this dry bitter bar still stuck to my tongue.
We headed into the espresso bar and order up a few soy cappuccinos. As I am paying for our brews, what quirky little thing catches my eye on the counter? The one and only Mast Brothers Chocolate Bars. I couldn’t believe it. I just wrote a post on the Mast Brothers a week or so before heading to NYC. The post included a few amazing videos about the two brothers and their dedication to the old world craft of chocolate making. Their Brooklyn based store in the videos looked like a mini chocolate heaven to me. So, seeing these Willy Wonka type bars right there, on the counter was just too much to resist, I grabbed one and told the barista, add this to my bill. First words out of his mouth were, are you sure, they are $10. The number echoed in my head. $10 Doooollllaaarrrssssss. Time seemed to stop. Everything was in slow motion. I could hear the hiss of the steam escaping the espresso machines, the slurping sound from all the hipsters sucking down their espressos and my own breath rushing out of my lungs… and then these words leaving my lips, of course, no problem, let me have it. And oh did he! $20 or so dollars later Dan and I strolled out with two espresso’s and my new shiny heaven in a bar of Mast Brothers Espresso Dark Chocolate.
Now I didn’t just rip this thing open and start eating it. Hell no, this thing had to be opened with someone special. It had to be the right moment. Maybe after a really nice dinner or something. This thing is like a fine wine, right? You just don’t pop the cork and chug it. You open it, let it breath and nibble it. I even thought to myself, if I bring this back to enjoy with (a certain unnamed hottie), she will be all over me, I mean after tasting this chocolate perfection. I would be like a chocolate toting stud… right? Hmm well it was not to be. I did stick to my plan and opened it after a really nice dinner we shared, but when this thing hit our lips, we didn’t go all dizzy with delight… no, it was more like, can you pass me the water please, quickly!
My perfect chocolate world came crashing down around my head. I think I must have passed out. When I woke, there was a large chunk of this dry bitter bar still stuck to my tongue. Not a pretty sight and no it didn’t win over the girl. In fact after she helped me up off the floor and reached in to clear my airway, pulling the chocolate lump free from my tongue, she actually asked me to leave. I immediately passed out again. She shook me, and said something like, your sweet, but your taste is questionable. Maybe we should slow things down. How about I call you.
Damn You Mast Brothers! Well to be fair, it just might be this particular bar or this flavor or something. Maybe the rest of the bars are pure heaven. I wouldn’t know and at $10 a pop, I don’t think I will be finding out anytime soon.
If you have had a Mast Brothers Chocolate Bar, chime in, leave a comment and let us know about your experiences. Maybe I am just not sophisticated enough to taste craftsmanship while its choking the life out of me.