Contributing Monkie Sarma Melngailis
Published on April 7, 2008
I’ve not posted in months. For anyone who gives a crap, SORRY! If I could do what I want to do, I’d have more time to do exactly this, because it’s fun, among other reasons. I have pages and pages of blog postage that I spit out over the last few months and then just never seemed to find time to pull together and now it feels very outdated. Not to mention, I just get embarrassed and feel like… really? does anyone really give a shit about what I ate for breakfast? Really? But maybe I’ll tidy it up, pull it together and throw it out there, why not. Someone encourage me please and I’ll do it. Here’s something I wrote on Valentine’s day:
Valentine’s Day!! It can be kind of like New Year’s Eve… too much expectation which leads only to disappointment. Here’s what I’ve learned: don’t expect anything. Then you’ll never be disappointed. Rely on yourself. Love yourself. And everyone else, but really, if you don’t treat yourself well, why should anyone else? Anyone who knows me and is reading this will be shouting things about pots and kettles calling each other black, whatever that saying is… because I’m told constantly I need to take better care of myself – but who takes their own advice anyway?
This whole sappy ‘loving yourself’ bit ought to tie in nicely with the whole raw food/lifestyle theme – of eating well and all of that, but that feels obvious to me. Or am I just used to it? But it really should be obvious, no? Eat really good organic fresh food – anything else in excess is just slow self destruction. That’s bolder than what I usually say, but really, it’s true. Green juice and salads are my comfort food.
My last post was all about how shitty and fat I was feeling… in a very time and energy wasting, silly female kind of way. I’m just being honest. Some days I’ve felt great, other days, I’ve been a bit less than secure, almost feeling like I don’t deserve anything because, really, if you don’t look good why should anyone love you? OH dear. Did I just let that out?? Anyway, seems that some of us learn, through all sorts of subtle means, personal experiences and other feedback, that it’s all about how you look. Well, not really. No really. Really? What it really is, is confusing as hell. Rationally you know it’s not the case, but then those feelings seep in, lured into our consciousness by the things we read, see, perceive around us. But what I’ve been figuring out is that there is quite a bit of power in what you feel inside and project outward. I think. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop obsessing about wanting to drop additional poundage. But what so happens is that the less I obsess about it, the more that weight seem to just naturally dissolve. Easier said than done. More on this some time later. OH yes, and being in love helps too (trying to stick with the theme here). Being loved back by the person you love can fill you up so you’re not hungry. That and it’s distracting in the best possible way – and of course, some people eat excessively either out of boredom, procrastination or specifically to distract themselves from something that is more difficult to face. I’ve done the latter two a lot, but I think I’ve learned from it, finally. And these days, I’ll just say I’m distracted in the best possible way, and so happy for it.
This holiday of sorts can suck hard if you’re without a clearly designated Valentine – but only if you let it. It’s pretty great if you can be happy with your self enough to also be happily single. Still, hard to do if you sometimes feel all sorts of insecurity. Or if you’ve been burned. Or if you’ve been burned in a way that’s made you so cynical about love that you put your heart away in a lockbox. Can anyone say that word anymore without thinking of Al Gore, or is it just me? OK back to what I was saying. Hard to be a cheerful soul on this lovey-dovey holiday if you’re so angry and hardened and don’t trust anyone. It’s hard to look back at having been in love when you realized it wasn’t really forever like you thought it was, and you ended up in pain over it. Life isn’t easy, nor should it be, because really, then it would be totally boring and what could be worse than a boring life? Which is why people should embrace pain… sounds a bit twisted but pain is living, and living is good. I’ve noticed that if you accept pain and allow it to fill you up, the easier it dissipates. Who am I to say this, and where is this coming from?? I should be writing about peace, love and raw food, not pain!
So back to love: When you’re in love, make sure you love that person for who they are, not what they do for you, or what you want them to be, or do, or how you want them to make you feel. Love without expectations. Love without worrying so much about the future. It feels really good that way. And love all the people around you out of compassion. Love people who don’t know better. Love even people who are not nice to others, because those people are probably in pain. Find a way to fill yourself up and feel secure enough to open your heart. That’s when the good stuff happens. Love makes the world revolve. Put it out there and it comes back to you. And it feels nice. Happy Valentine’s Day. Eat well.